Most of us probably know someone who routinely loses things (their keys for example), many of us will probably hide things fairly regularly (presents and surprises for friends and family) and whole TV programmes have been made about people who hoard, so chances are either you, or someone you know, has a penchant for that.
Hoarding
in particular is something many older people do, partly because of an
accumulation of items from their lifetime, but also because hoarding can create what
I'd describe as a safety blanket. Being surrounded by items which are familiar
cuts down the empty spaces that can make a person feel like their life is
bereft of meaning and purpose. In extreme circumstances hoarding can be as a
result of a mental health problem, but that is rare.
So,
given how 'normal' most losing, hiding or hoarding can be, you might be
wondering what on earth they've got to do with dementia? In many ways the
association is quite subtle - I would never say that being a person who loses,
hides or hoards items is, on its own, a sign that the person either has a type
of dementia or is likely to develop dementia in the future.
However,
if a person otherwise not predisposed to losing, hiding or hoarding items
begins to do this routinely and extensively, or if previous inclinations towards
this significantly escalate, I would be concerned and consider if other
symptoms are also present.
Equally, it's important to recognise that losing,
hiding or hoarding aren't just symptoms associated with the
development of dementia - they can also be significant factors in the life
of a person already diagnosed, and are often then seen under the umbrella of
'behaviour', which is generally associated with the negative connotations of
'challenging behaviour', a phrase I dislike immensely, as explained here.
As a general rule, losing, hiding or hoarding items isn't necessarily a negative issue. Granted it can become one, for example:
• Losing items can cause a
lot of frustration, which a person may struggle to articulate or cope with
• Hiding items can mean
important documents or possessions can't be found, which may have negative
consequences
• Hoarding may affect levels
of cleanliness or result in items being lost
But
there is a flip side:
• Consider if a person is
hiding things because they are trying to create those surprises associated with
their earlier life/childhood. What they are hiding might not be nicely wrapped
presents, but the thought process might (in some instances) be the same as for
gift-giving. Items may also be hidden if they are upsetting the person, or
because the person no longer likes them but doesn't feel they have the autonomy
to get rid of them
• Hoarding may be due to
that safety blanket feeling I described earlier. It may also stem from feelings
of insecurity or concerns that other people may want to remove items that are
important to the person (even if you can't understand what that importance
might be)
My
message, therefore, is that as in pretty much every aspect of dementia, things
aren't always what they seem. And jumping to conclusions, or attempting to be a
human bulldozer through someone's life, may be very counterproductive, resulting
in those ‘challenging behaviours’ that reflect the fact that your 'behaviour'
is actually very 'challenging' to the person with dementia.
In the years prior to my dad's dementia diagnosis, he hoarded by going to local
auctions and buying up lots of (what appeared to me) to be random items. He bought
loads of books from library book sales and regularly visited charity shops to accumulate
household items. As all of these items came into the house, so the house began
to feel like it was shrinking.
He
would hide towels in the bed – a pile of clean bath towels under the duvet was
commonplace - and he would hide paperwork if it looked like a bill or anything
official. And of course he lost lots of items - from money and keys, to his
glasses or the remote control.
In
dad's later years in care homes plenty of items got lost, but in that
environment it was as much down to communal living as it was to dad not knowing
where he'd put something. Items were still hidden, mostly because dad didn't
want someone else to get them, and hoarding still happened when dad
collected up other resident’s belongings.
How
did we cope? We never managed to stop dad losing, hiding or hoarding
items, but some steps we took to alleviate the associated problems were:
• Labelling items
(especially when dad was living in care homes) and trying to have a specific
safe place for things that really shouldn't be lost - a drawer for dad's glasses
for example
• Knowing favourite hiding
places so we knew where to look if we needed to find something
• Making sure dad could
still hide presents and other surprises in the normal way that anyone would -
dementia doesn't change the desire to surprise your loved ones!
• Trying to strike a
balance between dad being surrounded by the things that were familiar and
comforting to him, but without having stuff absolutely everywhere. As a result,
when dad was in care homes his room actually had a lovely lived-in,
personalised, home-from-home feel, and from what I've seen of other care home
bedrooms, I actually feel that a little bit of hoarding might be a good thing to
remove the bare, clinical feel these rooms often have.
If
you are a 'tidy person' (I am), it can be immensely difficult to support a
loved one who hoards, but I would just add this: One person's chaos is another
person's comfort. You may look at it and wonder how you will ever sort it out
'when the time comes'. The antidote for this feeling is simple: live in the
present, with the person as they are. Make the most of the time you have
together and don't stress the small stuff (even when there is what seems like
mountains of it!). 'When the time comes', as it sadly did for my dad, the
sorting out gives you a sense of purpose which, for me, was strangely helpful.
You can follow me on Twitter: @bethyb1886
Maureen was always the tidy one here: 'everything has its place everything in its place'. Now I spend a fair amount of my time searching for her missing/stolen gear. How things change with dementia!
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